Wednesday, December 4, 2024

FA checking Ireland squad for players amid England withdrawals

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The FA is understood to be in full crisis mode following the withdrawal of 10 players from the side’s Nations League game against the Republic of Ireland this evening, with rumours suggesting they’ll attempt to recruit members of the Irish squad having successfully appealed to Declan Rice and Jack Grealish in the past.

With Ezri Konsa pulling out on the eve of the clash, it is believed a desperate Lee Carsley tried to contact John Terry, who usually spends his weekends sitting indoors in a full England kit including shinpads and boots awaiting a recall.

Yet, with friends of the former Chelsea captain admitting even he turned his phone off at the sight of Carsley’s number, the situation has left big wigs within the FA with no alternative but to contact a local print company about the creation of 200 A4 flyers which they plan to hand out to the Irish entourage on arrival, at half-time, and again at full-time.

“Harry (Kane) was almost right when discussing loyalty earlier this week, saying it should always be country over club. Bless him for trying,” said a source from with the England camp.

“What our fantastic captain was supposed to say is it should be country over country over club. To be a true England player, we demand that extra depth of loyalty in that we search for professionals who are willing to put loyalty of England ahead of loyalty of their existing country, demoting their club way down to third place in the pecking order,” explained the source.

Having successfully convinced (former) Irish internationals Declan Rice and Jack Grealish to switch allegiance before, both of whom have gone on to be two of the most successful and loyal Englishmen since, the expectation within the England camp is they should be coming away from this fixture against Ireland with the likes of Caoimhin Kelleher and Sammie Szmodics willing to get St George’s Cross tattoos before midnight.

“We’ve brought laptops, have exceptional WiFi connection and have a place in the queue on the Government website for passport applications for as many as 25 Irish lads this evening,” confirmed Head of Recruitment at the FA.

Paddy Power News spoke to a local reporter who had this to say regarding the situation: “Lee Carsley is keen to help, having been involved with both countries and associations his whole career.

“We’ve been told he is willing to put his name to a few quotes on the flyer saying English breakfast tea is a more enjoyable drink than Guinness, Kate Winslet is better looking than Andrea Corr, and Coldplay have better songs than U2.”

*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second

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